the Silence

I know, it's a bit crazy. But I'm taking the month of May to cut out the three most important things in my life: books, movies, and music. Why in the world would I do that, you ask? It's simple: because they've become the most important things in my life, and quite honestly they shouldn't be.

Have you ever just sat for hours alone with your own thoughts? I used to love it. For most people, it's terrifying. There's a reason the imagination industry (Hollywood, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, Words with Friends) makes billions of dollars each year: people do not want to be alone with themselves with nothing but their thoughts running through their heads. They would rather have someone else's thoughts instead of their own. I'm sadly have been one of these people.

Currently I have 15 library books sitting on my shelf, waiting to be read. Sadly, I will have to bring them all back to work tomorrow, because I'm not going to read any of them for a month, and I don't want to get overdue fines. But right now they're just sitting there, taunting me. "Come, Sara, read me! You don't want to just sit there and think about how you feel like your life is just the same-ole-same-old, or how you're turning 30 this year and have never had a boyfriend, or how lonely you get when you sit at home by yourself. Come, we'll be your friends, we'll do the hard work of relationships and give you a happy ending, we'll take you on an adventure and give you the excitement you long for. Just read me." And I've happily complied for the last four months. But it's not enough.

So I'm going to turn off the noise for one month, and simply sit still in silence. I'm going to let my brain run through its gazillion thoughts a minute until I've thought myself out and there is nothing left but a quiet that is so still and peaceful. Because maybe, just maybe in that still silence I can be myself again. And maybe, just possibly I can hear God speaking again. Because when I sit alone in silence, I'm not really alone. Technically I'm never really alone, but I only realize it when I'm truly silent and still. So this next month I will be (hopefully) blogging more than my usual once-a-year, because my gazillion thoughts a minute need somewhere to go, and writing is my favorite method of detox.